i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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