I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
