He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
