her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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