your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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