She is in my trunk
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
