So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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