There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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