My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
