Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
