someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
