How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
