An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
