he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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