He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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