my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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