i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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