dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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