we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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