I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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