i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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