highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
