Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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