Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
