So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
