I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
