like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
