i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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