it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
