The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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