Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Come on in and take your pants off
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