I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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