i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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