oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
