Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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