nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
