Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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