you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
