she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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