genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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