id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
