Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
