This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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