The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Welp...herpes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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