Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
