After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Green mimosas i think yes
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
