1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's Friday. Sex?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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