i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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