my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
