she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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