I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
