How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
