My Higher Power is John Stamos
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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