i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
