I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
