and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
