Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
