so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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