whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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