Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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