we're chasing vodka with high fives
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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