tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I understand Curling. That high.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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