so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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