remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
