i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
